All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I wish life had little blips of pornography
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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