it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
