watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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