there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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