I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
We just shotgunned beers for America
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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