So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
