god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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