I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
