What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
