you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
