Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
