She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
When did angry sex become our thing?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
