I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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