I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
