Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize