And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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