It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
