I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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