I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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