make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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