I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
BRING THE BAGELS
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Randomize
