I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
