Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
