did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
