it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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