tonight lets celebrate not being married
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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