Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
