Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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