Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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