I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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