How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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