just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
