no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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