Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
