He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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