is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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