sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
