Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
