You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Randomize
