what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
