dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
