I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
