I think I am morally bankrupt
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
