The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
