This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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