i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
