My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize