A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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