the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
