you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
