I am puke
i would punch a child for taco bell
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
