Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize
