the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
