I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize