guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize