Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I love having hate sex.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
