hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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