Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She swung at the pinata with crutches
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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