she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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