Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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