just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
only you would photoshop your dick
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
