This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
