ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize