remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
