drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
