I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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