i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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