Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Randomize
