the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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