I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Text me some of your sweat
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
