I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm jealous of your bromance
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
