I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
