Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
