sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Rumble strips road head = magical
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Randomize
