That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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