I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
