What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
